1 00:00:02,052 --> 00:00:04,720 ♪ It seems today that all you see 2 00:00:04,788 --> 00:00:08,123 ♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV 3 00:00:08,191 --> 00:00:11,710 ♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values 4 00:00:11,779 --> 00:00:14,796 ♪ On which we used to rely? 5 00:00:14,864 --> 00:00:18,133 ♪ Lucky there's a family guy 6 00:00:18,219 --> 00:00:21,553 ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do 7 00:00:21,605 --> 00:00:23,104 ♪ All the things that make us 8 00:00:23,190 --> 00:00:24,856 ♪ Laugh and cry 9 00:00:24,925 --> 00:00:29,878 ♪ He's a family guy ♪ 10 00:00:35,953 --> 00:00:37,214 Good evening. I'm Tom Tucker. 11 00:00:37,238 --> 00:00:39,282 Tonight, the conclusion of our three-part report 12 00:00:39,306 --> 00:00:41,151 on bestiality at the aquarium. 13 00:00:41,175 --> 00:00:43,015 But first, our top story, 14 00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:47,095 a local boy dies after playing video games for 51 hours straight. 15 00:00:47,164 --> 00:00:49,798 He was playing Halo, now he has a halo. 16 00:00:49,867 --> 00:00:51,627 Just kidding. He was gay. 17 00:00:51,669 --> 00:00:55,154 Look at that. Big deal. Stayed awake for 51 hours. That's nothing. 18 00:00:55,222 --> 00:00:58,257 Yeah, I've flown back-to-back Australia trips that were longer than that. 19 00:00:58,325 --> 00:00:59,558 I never sleep. 20 00:00:59,626 --> 00:01:01,771 Something's been beeping in our bedroom for three years. 21 00:01:01,795 --> 00:01:03,995 Bonnie won't look for it, and I can't find it. 22 00:01:04,031 --> 00:01:06,231 Hey, I got a fun idea. Let's bet on it. 23 00:01:06,300 --> 00:01:09,161 A hundred bucks says I can stay awake longer than both of you. 24 00:01:09,185 --> 00:01:11,364 Yeah! Let's do this! You in, Peter? 25 00:01:11,388 --> 00:01:12,787 Oh, hell yeah, I'm in! 26 00:01:12,856 --> 00:01:15,156 You guys don't know nothing about staying up late. 27 00:01:15,225 --> 00:01:16,658 I used to pull all-nighters 28 00:01:16,727 --> 00:01:19,227 when I worked for that lesbian carpet cleaning company. 29 00:01:21,131 --> 00:01:23,876 Lesbians have regular carpets, too, you pervs. 30 00:01:23,900 --> 00:01:25,178 When you're done with that, 31 00:01:25,202 --> 00:01:27,042 can you help me plug the hole in this dike? 32 00:01:28,538 --> 00:01:30,138 I'm kind of a jack-of-all-trades. 33 00:01:30,207 --> 00:01:32,958 Hey, help me fix this gash. 34 00:01:33,026 --> 00:01:36,106 Somebody's been having scissor fights on this thing. 35 00:01:38,882 --> 00:01:40,526 All right, let's get some ground rules down. 36 00:01:40,550 --> 00:01:43,750 No closing your eyes and pretending you're thinking. 37 00:01:47,157 --> 00:01:48,356 Peter. Peter! 38 00:01:48,425 --> 00:01:49,602 I was thinking! 39 00:01:49,626 --> 00:01:51,109 Hi, boys. 40 00:01:51,178 --> 00:01:53,457 I baked a fresh batch of cookies for your slumber party. 41 00:01:53,481 --> 00:01:54,481 Hey! 42 00:01:54,548 --> 00:01:55,828 It's not a slumber party, Lois! 43 00:01:55,883 --> 00:01:58,884 Yeah, get out of here! Just leave the cookies and go. 44 00:01:58,953 --> 00:02:00,953 Okay. You boys have fun. 45 00:02:01,021 --> 00:02:03,721 We will. Just go! Jeez! 46 00:02:03,791 --> 00:02:06,090 Ah, I'm already bored. What should we do? 47 00:02:06,160 --> 00:02:07,504 Hey, let's prank-call Cleveland. 48 00:02:07,528 --> 00:02:09,168 Oh, yeah! Yeah, yeah, great idea. 49 00:02:13,517 --> 00:02:14,649 Brown house. 50 00:02:14,718 --> 00:02:17,101 Uh, Cleveland? It's Loretta. 51 00:02:17,171 --> 00:02:19,738 What? But... But you're dead. 52 00:02:19,806 --> 00:02:24,243 No, I faked my death to get the IRS off my back. 53 00:02:24,311 --> 00:02:25,677 Oh, my God. 54 00:02:25,746 --> 00:02:28,397 Does that mean I have to give back the insurance money? 55 00:02:29,800 --> 00:02:31,266 Who's there with you, Loretta? 56 00:02:32,469 --> 00:02:34,481 It's us, you idiot! She's still dead. 57 00:02:34,505 --> 00:02:38,106 Oh, you guys are more meaner than The Jerky Boys. 58 00:02:39,375 --> 00:02:41,576 Ah, that was awesome. Hey, who else has a dead wife? 59 00:02:41,645 --> 00:02:43,445 Mort. Uh, I got this one. 60 00:02:47,251 --> 00:02:48,383 Uh, hello? 61 00:02:48,452 --> 00:02:50,051 Uh... Shalom. 62 00:02:50,120 --> 00:02:51,219 Muriel? 63 00:02:58,561 --> 00:03:02,480 You guys are gonna lose. It's been 62 hours. 64 00:03:02,549 --> 00:03:04,583 Joe, you're about to drop. 65 00:03:04,651 --> 00:03:07,386 And, Peter, you've been hallucinating all night. 66 00:03:07,454 --> 00:03:09,732 Yeah, whatever, Quagmire. I got to go to the bathroom. 67 00:03:09,756 --> 00:03:10,889 Where's your toilet? 68 00:03:14,595 --> 00:03:16,761 Right here, Peter. 69 00:03:16,830 --> 00:03:19,831 Better cover the seat. Oh, JK, I'm not fancy. 70 00:03:21,651 --> 00:03:22,934 Ah! Leave me alone. 71 00:03:32,846 --> 00:03:34,679 We are all one. 72 00:03:40,754 --> 00:03:41,754 Pizza. Pizza. 73 00:03:41,821 --> 00:03:43,372 Peter. Peter. 74 00:03:44,958 --> 00:03:47,342 Damn it, Joe. What are you staring at? Pull him off me. 75 00:03:50,864 --> 00:03:52,047 Oh! 76 00:04:01,725 --> 00:04:04,743 Oh, my God, Joe, when did you start running? 77 00:04:04,812 --> 00:04:07,246 And jumping? And sky-dancing? 78 00:04:07,314 --> 00:04:09,781 He ain't sky-dancing, he fell asleep. 79 00:04:12,853 --> 00:04:14,586 That means it's just you and me. 80 00:04:14,654 --> 00:04:17,439 Yeah, and tiny Sharon Stone from Casino. 81 00:04:17,508 --> 00:04:21,776 You son of a bitch! I will go to the FBI! I will go to the police! 82 00:04:21,845 --> 00:04:23,178 Quagmire, help! 83 00:04:23,247 --> 00:04:26,748 I don't see her. I didn't see the movie. 84 00:04:34,090 --> 00:04:35,456 Peter, wake up. 85 00:04:35,526 --> 00:04:38,326 I need to know if I can delete your iCarlys from the DVR. 86 00:04:38,395 --> 00:04:41,657 What? Oh, damn it. Wait, I didn't fall asleep first, did I? 87 00:04:41,681 --> 00:04:43,043 Wait, what happened? 88 00:04:43,067 --> 00:04:46,684 Wait, wait... Were you asleep? Did I win? I won! 89 00:04:46,753 --> 00:04:48,280 Guys, we were all so tired. 90 00:04:48,304 --> 00:04:51,033 There's no way to prove which one of you fell asleep first. 91 00:04:51,057 --> 00:04:54,459 Oh, yes, there is, Joe. I got cameras in every room of this house. 92 00:05:03,553 --> 00:05:06,338 There's a naked lady squatting over a cake in your kitchen. 93 00:05:06,407 --> 00:05:08,407 She'll wait. She knows to wait. 94 00:05:23,107 --> 00:05:25,156 Well, it looks like Peter won. 95 00:05:25,225 --> 00:05:27,492 And it looks like I went 48 hours 96 00:05:27,561 --> 00:05:30,673 without an email, text message, or voice mail. 97 00:05:30,697 --> 00:05:32,747 All right, I won 200 bucks! 98 00:05:34,100 --> 00:05:36,250 And there's a little bit of blood in my ear. 99 00:05:37,604 --> 00:05:39,253 Well, a bet's a bet. 100 00:05:39,322 --> 00:05:41,000 Yeah, congratulations, Peter. 101 00:05:41,024 --> 00:05:42,568 What are you gonna do with your winnings? 102 00:05:42,592 --> 00:05:45,776 Joe, never ask me about money. It's rude. 103 00:05:45,845 --> 00:05:47,479 We're gonna go out to eat. 104 00:05:54,938 --> 00:05:56,698 This is a great place, Peter. 105 00:05:56,757 --> 00:06:00,158 You can tell by the laminated high school football schedule on the wall. 106 00:06:00,227 --> 00:06:03,995 I'm gonna go see which lobster I think deserves to die. 107 00:06:05,615 --> 00:06:07,082 Hey, Chris. 108 00:06:07,150 --> 00:06:08,583 Oh, hi, Pam. 109 00:06:08,651 --> 00:06:11,264 I thought you gave a great book report at school today. 110 00:06:11,288 --> 00:06:14,505 Well, thanks. All the credit goes to Slash's biography. 111 00:06:14,574 --> 00:06:16,007 What a maniac. 112 00:06:16,076 --> 00:06:19,544 Well, all I know is you looked cute while you gave it. 113 00:06:19,612 --> 00:06:22,191 Hey, Chris. I didn't know you knew my daughter. 114 00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:26,418 Sure, I do. We're in the same gossip group in the cafeteria at lunch. 115 00:06:26,486 --> 00:06:28,681 ♪ Pick a little, talk a little Pick a little, talk a little 116 00:06:28,705 --> 00:06:31,017 ♪ Cheep cheep cheep Talk a lot, pick a little more ♪ 117 00:06:31,041 --> 00:06:33,574 Come on, Pam, we got to go before they see the tip. 118 00:06:33,643 --> 00:06:34,876 Forty percent? 119 00:06:34,944 --> 00:06:37,945 I would've left more, but he messed up our order. 120 00:06:38,014 --> 00:06:41,416 I'm sorry, I got to go. I like bumping into you outside of school. 121 00:06:41,485 --> 00:06:43,118 You should move into our house. 122 00:06:44,321 --> 00:06:45,687 You're funny, Chris. 123 00:06:45,773 --> 00:06:49,391 Hey, uh, maybe we could hang out again sometime. 124 00:06:49,459 --> 00:06:51,092 You know, if you want. 125 00:06:51,161 --> 00:06:52,361 I'd like that. 126 00:06:54,281 --> 00:06:55,564 Ooh! 127 00:06:56,850 --> 00:06:58,770 See you at school, Chris. 128 00:07:00,570 --> 00:07:03,988 Hey, Chris. These on her nipples. 129 00:07:05,208 --> 00:07:06,408 Kill that one. 130 00:07:12,049 --> 00:07:14,209 The Hallmark Channel is proud to present 131 00:07:14,233 --> 00:07:16,334 Hallmark Greeting Cards Explained. 132 00:07:16,386 --> 00:07:18,147 So, there's a penguin on the front 133 00:07:18,171 --> 00:07:19,832 and it says, "I hear you're 40. 134 00:07:19,856 --> 00:07:22,001 "And when you're 40, your eyes start to go." 135 00:07:22,025 --> 00:07:23,758 And then you open the card. 136 00:07:23,827 --> 00:07:26,194 And then "Happy Birthday" is all blurry, 137 00:07:26,262 --> 00:07:28,462 because whoever opens the card is 40, 138 00:07:28,531 --> 00:07:30,965 and you want to give them the impression 139 00:07:31,034 --> 00:07:33,902 that their eyes are starting to go. 140 00:07:33,971 --> 00:07:36,404 Hey, guys, there's someone I want you to meet. 141 00:07:36,473 --> 00:07:38,506 Pam, this is my family. 142 00:07:38,575 --> 00:07:41,492 Family, this is my girlfriend, Pam. 143 00:07:41,561 --> 00:07:44,896 You know, Chris, Usher categorizes his girls into two groups, 144 00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:47,677 bitches he's with, and bitches he's gonna get with. 145 00:07:47,701 --> 00:07:49,934 So is this one you got or one you gon' get? 146 00:07:50,003 --> 00:07:52,853 Wait. Jerome's daughter is your girlfriend? 147 00:07:52,923 --> 00:07:55,357 Chris, can I speak to you for a moment privately? 148 00:07:57,227 --> 00:08:00,111 I voted for Obama once. 149 00:08:00,180 --> 00:08:01,696 Dad, if this is about Pam... 150 00:08:01,765 --> 00:08:03,231 Yes, it is about Pam. 151 00:08:03,299 --> 00:08:04,565 And I have something to say. 152 00:08:04,651 --> 00:08:06,217 Chris, she's... 153 00:08:06,285 --> 00:08:08,052 She's not fat. What? 154 00:08:08,121 --> 00:08:10,216 I figured the day you came home with a girl, 155 00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:12,301 we'd have to back her through the garage. 156 00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:14,325 A little further, little further, little further... 157 00:08:15,312 --> 00:08:17,646 Whoa! Whoa, whoa. 158 00:08:17,714 --> 00:08:19,614 Okay, all right. Now, do you prefer "Fatty" 159 00:08:19,683 --> 00:08:21,482 or "Miss Boom-Bi-Latty?" 160 00:08:21,551 --> 00:08:24,335 So you don't mind that Pam is black? 161 00:08:24,404 --> 00:08:26,254 Chris, it's 1998. 162 00:08:26,323 --> 00:08:27,822 Actually, Dad... 163 00:08:27,890 --> 00:08:29,402 Peter Griffin does not see color. 164 00:08:29,426 --> 00:08:30,903 Now, let's go see if your mom's done listing 165 00:08:30,927 --> 00:08:34,613 all the black people she's ever seen on television. 166 00:08:34,681 --> 00:08:38,466 Flip Wilson, John Amos, Diahann Carroll, 167 00:08:38,535 --> 00:08:40,735 that monster that plays tennis. 168 00:08:44,190 --> 00:08:46,408 So, I saw Chris is dating Jerome's daughter. 169 00:08:46,476 --> 00:08:48,821 Looks like they've had some pretty hot dates. 170 00:08:48,845 --> 00:08:50,979 Don't, uh... Don't look at my kids 171 00:08:51,048 --> 00:08:53,481 when they're off doing their private lives. 172 00:08:53,567 --> 00:08:56,368 Hey, hey, hey, there's my new brother-in-law brother now. 173 00:08:56,436 --> 00:08:58,370 Griffin, you and me have to talk. 174 00:08:58,438 --> 00:08:59,531 What's up, Blood? 175 00:08:59,555 --> 00:09:02,157 Nobody's dating nobody. You understand? 176 00:09:02,225 --> 00:09:05,760 Oh, don't worry, Jerome. I already gave Chris the sex talk. 177 00:09:05,829 --> 00:09:08,596 It's awesome! 178 00:09:08,665 --> 00:09:12,467 Peter, you don't understand. I don't want Pam dating a white boy. 179 00:09:12,553 --> 00:09:15,686 What? Jerome, you're a racist. 180 00:09:15,755 --> 00:09:17,522 Black people can't be racist. 181 00:09:17,591 --> 00:09:20,841 We can be way sexist, but we ain't racist. 182 00:09:20,910 --> 00:09:22,610 Sure, black people can be racist. 183 00:09:22,679 --> 00:09:25,246 They gave Michelle Pfeiffer such a hard time. 184 00:09:25,315 --> 00:09:27,260 She didn't pick that school, they sent her there. 185 00:09:27,284 --> 00:09:28,650 Coolio had her back. 186 00:09:28,718 --> 00:09:30,763 Look, I think if you got to know us better, 187 00:09:30,787 --> 00:09:32,998 you wouldn't have any problem with your daughter dating one of us. 188 00:09:33,022 --> 00:09:34,322 I'll date her. 189 00:09:34,391 --> 00:09:36,169 Look, why don't you and Pam come over tomorrow night, 190 00:09:36,193 --> 00:09:37,803 and you'll see that white people 191 00:09:37,827 --> 00:09:39,405 are even better than black people. 192 00:09:39,429 --> 00:09:40,939 Peter. You know what I mean. 193 00:09:40,963 --> 00:09:42,675 They're equal. Separate but equal. 194 00:09:42,699 --> 00:09:44,365 Peter! Just equal. 195 00:09:44,434 --> 00:09:46,167 All right, we'll come to dinner. 196 00:09:46,236 --> 00:09:49,504 But I want you to know I'm very skeptical about this whole thing. 197 00:09:49,573 --> 00:09:54,191 Oh, that's okay. Hey, listen, I was skeptical about traveling to Mexico. 198 00:09:54,260 --> 00:09:56,761 I took one step outside the resort. 199 00:10:02,352 --> 00:10:04,447 Thanks for having us to dinner, Mrs. Griffin. 200 00:10:04,471 --> 00:10:05,953 Oh, my pleasure, Pam. 201 00:10:06,022 --> 00:10:08,506 Yes. I, for one, say this is long overdue. 202 00:10:08,575 --> 00:10:11,676 It's about time people of color broke bread at this table. 203 00:10:11,745 --> 00:10:13,311 "Broke bread"? 204 00:10:13,379 --> 00:10:16,380 Who are you, St. Francis of Assisi all of a sudden? 205 00:10:16,450 --> 00:10:18,733 Jerome, you have done a wonderful job raising Pam 206 00:10:18,801 --> 00:10:20,301 to be a lovely young woman. 207 00:10:20,370 --> 00:10:22,481 You say that like you're surprised. 208 00:10:22,505 --> 00:10:23,655 I... I beg your pardon? 209 00:10:23,723 --> 00:10:25,843 Sounds like you're saying a single black man 210 00:10:25,875 --> 00:10:27,854 can't raise a child on his own. 211 00:10:27,878 --> 00:10:29,794 Yes, Lois, what are you saying? 212 00:10:29,863 --> 00:10:32,130 You know, before I speak, I like to ask myself, 213 00:10:32,199 --> 00:10:34,866 "Would Dr. King approve of what I'm about to say?" 214 00:10:34,935 --> 00:10:37,118 Most of the time, I find that he would. 215 00:10:37,187 --> 00:10:40,171 Dad, I think Mrs. Griffin was just giving you a compliment. 216 00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:44,859 Yeah, I was just trying to say we all appreciate having you in our home. 217 00:10:44,928 --> 00:10:47,979 Oh, so suddenly we're all friends? 218 00:10:48,047 --> 00:10:49,613 Wait, we've always been friends. 219 00:10:49,682 --> 00:10:51,493 If we're friends, what's my last name? 220 00:10:51,517 --> 00:10:52,517 Cool J? 221 00:10:52,585 --> 00:10:53,629 Where am I from? 222 00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:54,933 The south part of a large city? 223 00:10:54,987 --> 00:10:56,220 Where'd I go to college? 224 00:10:56,289 --> 00:10:59,023 Does it air commercials during daytime judge programs? 225 00:10:59,091 --> 00:11:02,070 Peter, you only got two of those three things right. 226 00:11:02,094 --> 00:11:04,161 Look, I know what this is about. 227 00:11:04,230 --> 00:11:06,108 You're being all nice just so your son 228 00:11:06,132 --> 00:11:07,977 can get into my daughter's pants. 229 00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:09,417 Dad, stop it. 230 00:11:09,486 --> 00:11:11,797 White guys don't want a relationship with black women. 231 00:11:11,821 --> 00:11:13,699 They just want a notch on their belt. 232 00:11:13,723 --> 00:11:15,535 You're a novelty to these people. 233 00:11:15,559 --> 00:11:16,841 "These people"? 234 00:11:16,910 --> 00:11:19,260 This is the moment in the meal when I stand up! 235 00:11:19,329 --> 00:11:23,564 Wait a minute. "A novelty"? We used to date before I met Peter. 236 00:11:23,633 --> 00:11:25,649 So what are white women to black men? 237 00:11:25,718 --> 00:11:29,137 A very pleasant page in our memory books. 238 00:11:29,205 --> 00:11:30,338 Aw. 239 00:11:30,406 --> 00:11:32,335 Oh, yeah, that's right. You banged my wife. 240 00:11:32,359 --> 00:11:35,876 She did? Huh. No wonder I had so much room in there. 241 00:11:35,945 --> 00:11:37,545 Her womb was like one of those places 242 00:11:37,614 --> 00:11:39,947 where they reconstruct crashed airplanes. 243 00:11:40,016 --> 00:11:42,617 Look, Jerome, I know you think we're all terrible. 244 00:11:42,686 --> 00:11:45,097 But white people have done a lot of good things for the world. 245 00:11:45,121 --> 00:11:46,821 Oh, yeah? Like what? 246 00:11:46,890 --> 00:11:48,689 Well, I'll tell you! Listen up. 247 00:11:51,995 --> 00:11:54,262 ♪ We gave you Eminem 248 00:11:54,331 --> 00:11:56,164 ♪ And Justin Bieber, too 249 00:11:56,232 --> 00:11:59,633 ♪ Even though they dress and try to talk like you 250 00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:01,503 ♪ The music of Taylor Swift 251 00:12:01,571 --> 00:12:04,071 ♪ And clothing from J. Crew 252 00:12:04,140 --> 00:12:05,823 ♪ And Jon Heder 253 00:12:05,892 --> 00:12:07,842 ♪ Also half of Derek Jeter 254 00:12:07,911 --> 00:12:11,629 ♪ Add to that a fleet of soccer moms 255 00:12:11,681 --> 00:12:14,832 ♪ Packed into their yoga tights 256 00:12:14,901 --> 00:12:18,769 ♪ And so for all this awesome, neat, wonderful stuff 257 00:12:18,838 --> 00:12:20,638 ♪ You know, you don't thank the Lord 258 00:12:20,673 --> 00:12:22,524 ♪ You thank the whites 259 00:12:22,592 --> 00:12:24,609 ♪ Thank the whites 260 00:12:24,677 --> 00:12:26,394 ♪ Thank the whites 261 00:12:26,463 --> 00:12:28,446 ♪ You know, you don't thank the Lord 262 00:12:28,514 --> 00:12:30,348 ♪ You thank the whites 263 00:12:30,417 --> 00:12:32,199 ♪ We gave you Breaking Bad 264 00:12:32,285 --> 00:12:34,585 ♪ And all the songs by Creed 265 00:12:34,654 --> 00:12:36,136 ♪ All the cast of Friends 266 00:12:36,205 --> 00:12:38,055 ♪ And trash like Tara Reid 267 00:12:38,124 --> 00:12:42,377 ♪ A virtual world of porn so you can spill your seed 268 00:12:42,445 --> 00:12:44,378 ♪ Ray-Ban glasses 269 00:12:44,464 --> 00:12:46,313 ♪ Leggy blondes with tiny asses 270 00:12:46,382 --> 00:12:50,001 ♪ Frisbee sports, and fancy coffee, too 271 00:12:50,069 --> 00:12:53,187 ♪ Energy-efficient lights 272 00:12:53,256 --> 00:12:57,191 ♪ And so for all this awesome, neat, wonderful stuff 273 00:12:57,260 --> 00:12:58,926 ♪ You know, you don't thank the Lord 274 00:12:58,994 --> 00:13:01,128 ♪ You thank the whites 275 00:13:01,197 --> 00:13:04,882 ♪ Thank the whites, thank the whites 276 00:13:04,951 --> 00:13:07,802 ♪ You know, you don't thank the Lord 277 00:13:07,871 --> 00:13:11,939 ♪ You thank the whites ♪ 278 00:13:14,744 --> 00:13:18,112 You know what? That song only made me hate white people even more. 279 00:13:18,181 --> 00:13:19,630 What about eight more verses? 280 00:13:19,699 --> 00:13:21,549 Let's go, Pam. We're leaving. 281 00:13:21,618 --> 00:13:24,017 But, Dad, Chris treats me really well. 282 00:13:24,086 --> 00:13:26,006 He gave me this diamond necklace. 283 00:13:26,055 --> 00:13:27,805 That's my diamond necklace! 284 00:13:27,873 --> 00:13:29,924 Cool it. I'm trying to get laid. 285 00:13:29,992 --> 00:13:32,359 Look, this ain't happening, Pam. Straight up. 286 00:13:32,428 --> 00:13:33,794 You ain't swervin' with him, 287 00:13:33,863 --> 00:13:36,008 you ain't gonna shump-a-jump, you're not hollerin' at him, 288 00:13:36,032 --> 00:13:37,932 you ain't his shorty or his boo. 289 00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:40,646 Oh, my God, Lois, I think he just summoned Candyman. 290 00:13:40,670 --> 00:13:42,103 You're a fool. 291 00:13:51,364 --> 00:13:53,431 I was hoping they'd be darker. 292 00:14:00,940 --> 00:14:05,759 God, I miss Pam so much. I don't think I can live without her. 293 00:14:05,846 --> 00:14:08,296 It's okay, Chris. Hey, here's someone your type. 294 00:14:08,364 --> 00:14:10,665 Whoo-wee, Chris! You're cute! 295 00:14:10,734 --> 00:14:11,961 Stewie, that's Log Cabin. 296 00:14:11,985 --> 00:14:13,918 Uh, he gets the joke. 297 00:14:13,987 --> 00:14:16,037 I'm sorry, Chris. Jerome just doesn't think 298 00:14:16,105 --> 00:14:17,871 his daughter should date a white guy. 299 00:14:17,940 --> 00:14:21,875 Black racism is the biggest problem facing this country today. 300 00:14:21,944 --> 00:14:24,646 You know, I should go over there and fight for Pam. 301 00:14:24,714 --> 00:14:25,914 Absolutely, you should. 302 00:14:25,982 --> 00:14:27,826 You should always fight for what you believe in. 303 00:14:27,850 --> 00:14:29,283 Like Patrick Henry. 304 00:14:29,369 --> 00:14:32,270 Give me liberty or give me death. 305 00:14:34,107 --> 00:14:35,322 Oh, that was easy. 306 00:14:35,391 --> 00:14:36,924 I know, right? 307 00:14:36,992 --> 00:14:40,828 Ryan wanted to give him liberty. You do the paperwork, Ryan. 308 00:14:44,150 --> 00:14:48,336 And now the HBO Original Series, Boys. 309 00:14:48,421 --> 00:14:50,416 Hey, sorry I slept with that girl you liked. 310 00:14:50,440 --> 00:14:51,706 Eh, it's cool. 311 00:14:51,774 --> 00:14:53,419 Did you walk around naked after you had sex? 312 00:14:53,443 --> 00:14:55,876 What? No. No one wants to see that. 313 00:14:55,945 --> 00:14:58,278 Isn't this time in our lives so interesting? 314 00:14:58,348 --> 00:14:59,663 No. 315 00:14:59,732 --> 00:15:01,816 Griffin! Where the hell is my daughter? 316 00:15:01,885 --> 00:15:04,786 She left me a note saying she ran off with Chris. 317 00:15:04,854 --> 00:15:06,387 Oh, my God, Chris? 318 00:15:06,456 --> 00:15:09,089 That dirtbag hangs around my daughter, too! 319 00:15:09,158 --> 00:15:11,976 I don't have time for your nonsense. I got to find my daughter. 320 00:15:12,045 --> 00:15:14,139 Look, let me help you! I'm great at finding stuff. 321 00:15:14,163 --> 00:15:15,975 Last night, I found Lois's G-spot. 322 00:15:15,999 --> 00:15:17,142 No, he didn't! 323 00:15:17,166 --> 00:15:18,377 I didn't know she was home. 324 00:15:18,401 --> 00:15:20,412 I was able to please her in other ways, though. 325 00:15:20,436 --> 00:15:21,480 No! 326 00:15:21,504 --> 00:15:22,704 Okay, let's just go. 327 00:15:26,459 --> 00:15:28,008 My dad's such a jerk. 328 00:15:28,077 --> 00:15:29,221 I'm glad we ran away. 329 00:15:29,245 --> 00:15:31,044 Yeah. 330 00:15:31,113 --> 00:15:34,599 So, what do people do in motels? 331 00:15:34,667 --> 00:15:36,200 They get naked. 332 00:15:36,269 --> 00:15:39,536 Okay, but all I know about sex is from Internet porn, 333 00:15:39,605 --> 00:15:42,456 so I'm very excited to try buffering. 334 00:15:44,193 --> 00:15:46,738 Then I'll leave you alone to get undressed and under the covers, 335 00:15:46,762 --> 00:15:48,195 and I'll be right back. 336 00:15:58,290 --> 00:16:01,025 Hey, I'm trying to sleep and urinate here. 337 00:16:01,094 --> 00:16:02,671 Do you mind using the other bed? 338 00:16:02,695 --> 00:16:03,695 Sorry. 339 00:16:03,763 --> 00:16:05,658 I was the cousin in Vacation. 340 00:16:05,682 --> 00:16:07,247 Yeah, I know who you are. 341 00:16:10,836 --> 00:16:12,052 How do I look? 342 00:16:12,121 --> 00:16:14,321 Oh, God. Are we at that part of the relationship? 343 00:16:14,390 --> 00:16:16,340 You look fine! 344 00:16:16,409 --> 00:16:18,776 Pam, this may come as a surprise to you, 345 00:16:18,845 --> 00:16:21,112 but I am not an experienced lover. 346 00:16:21,181 --> 00:16:23,514 Don't worry. It's my first time, too. 347 00:16:23,582 --> 00:16:26,317 Wow, I guess everybody has a first time. 348 00:16:26,385 --> 00:16:28,469 Even Maverick from Top Gun. 349 00:16:28,537 --> 00:16:30,488 Thank you, pretty lady! 350 00:16:36,696 --> 00:16:39,363 So, all those other black drivers that you're nodding at, 351 00:16:39,431 --> 00:16:40,631 do you know them? 352 00:16:46,789 --> 00:16:48,339 Oh, man. 353 00:16:48,408 --> 00:16:49,918 Look, relax. We'll just tell him the truth. 354 00:16:49,942 --> 00:16:52,009 We're cruising around town looking for 355 00:16:52,078 --> 00:16:54,027 a sexually active 14-year-old boy. 356 00:16:54,096 --> 00:16:56,730 You have any idea how fast you were going? 357 00:16:56,799 --> 00:16:58,277 I was going the speed limit, Officer. 358 00:16:58,301 --> 00:16:59,301 He was. 359 00:16:59,368 --> 00:17:01,146 Are you here against your will, sir? 360 00:17:01,170 --> 00:17:03,837 If you're asking if I'd rather be at the zoo, then yes. 361 00:17:03,906 --> 00:17:07,558 Maybe you step out of the car and we see if you've been drinking. 362 00:17:09,813 --> 00:17:12,847 I'm too fat to be in the car by myself. 363 00:17:16,603 --> 00:17:19,720 The police pull me over for made-up violations all the time. 364 00:17:19,789 --> 00:17:22,323 You don't know what it's like to be treated like a criminal. 365 00:17:22,391 --> 00:17:24,125 What's it like? Bad. 366 00:17:24,194 --> 00:17:25,426 Whoa. 367 00:17:25,495 --> 00:17:28,028 I've never broken a law in my life, Peter. 368 00:17:28,097 --> 00:17:31,765 I'm a 42-year-old man. I own a business, I pay my taxes. 369 00:17:31,834 --> 00:17:33,211 And yet I got to deal with this crap 370 00:17:33,235 --> 00:17:35,347 every time I step outside my house. 371 00:17:35,371 --> 00:17:38,973 Makes me so damn angry, I don't know what to do with myself. 372 00:17:39,041 --> 00:17:40,558 Well, you should be like me. 373 00:17:40,627 --> 00:17:43,110 Whenever I get angry I go do some Footloose dancing. 374 00:18:21,634 --> 00:18:23,634 I'm also thinking about ice creams. 375 00:18:26,172 --> 00:18:27,988 Peter, you seem like a nice guy. 376 00:18:28,057 --> 00:18:30,402 I don't mind having you in my bar, man, 377 00:18:30,426 --> 00:18:32,626 but it's different when it's your baby girl. 378 00:18:32,695 --> 00:18:34,995 I guess. I just have boys. 379 00:18:35,064 --> 00:18:37,331 Forgive me for being a protective father, 380 00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:39,240 but white people have exploited 381 00:18:39,301 --> 00:18:41,113 and mistreated blacks for centuries, 382 00:18:41,137 --> 00:18:43,671 and I'm not gonna let that happen to Pam. 383 00:18:43,740 --> 00:18:47,625 Wow, we've driven 55 miles with the gas light on. 384 00:18:53,799 --> 00:18:55,349 Hold it right there! 385 00:18:55,418 --> 00:18:58,503 Dad! Jerome! How did you find us? 386 00:18:58,571 --> 00:19:01,338 We didn't. You just told us. 387 00:19:01,407 --> 00:19:02,673 You okay, honey? 388 00:19:02,742 --> 00:19:03,907 Dad, I'm fine. 389 00:19:03,976 --> 00:19:05,621 Don't worry. Nothing happened. 390 00:19:05,645 --> 00:19:09,463 I tucked it between my legs as a joke and then it got stuck. 391 00:19:09,532 --> 00:19:13,701 Look, I'm sorry, Chris, but we got to respect Jerome's wishes. 392 00:19:13,770 --> 00:19:15,948 Now that I understand what he's been through, 393 00:19:15,972 --> 00:19:17,850 I realize he's a good man who has reason 394 00:19:17,874 --> 00:19:19,702 to be a little suspicious of whitey. 395 00:19:19,726 --> 00:19:21,792 Thank you for understanding, Peter. 396 00:19:21,860 --> 00:19:22,904 Jerome is right. 397 00:19:22,928 --> 00:19:24,389 White is white, black is black, 398 00:19:24,413 --> 00:19:26,659 got to keep the races completely separate. 399 00:19:26,683 --> 00:19:29,083 That wasn't exactly my point. 400 00:19:29,152 --> 00:19:31,792 Chris, from now on, I don't want you talking to any black people. 401 00:19:31,854 --> 00:19:34,589 How the hell am I supposed to get through airport security? 402 00:19:34,657 --> 00:19:37,570 We'll figure it out. It's the least we can do for Jerome. 403 00:19:37,594 --> 00:19:39,594 Isn't that right, Jerome? 404 00:19:44,433 --> 00:19:47,184 Is that the lesson you want me to learn, Dad? 405 00:19:47,886 --> 00:19:49,620 No, baby. 406 00:19:49,689 --> 00:19:52,323 You know, Peter, maybe I did overreact. 407 00:19:52,392 --> 00:19:54,458 Just 'cause I've experienced some hard times 408 00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:57,861 doesn't mean this generation can't teach us a thing or two. 409 00:19:59,015 --> 00:20:01,581 All right, if these kids want to date, 410 00:20:01,651 --> 00:20:04,201 then I guess that's okay with me. 411 00:20:08,274 --> 00:20:11,926 It takes a man with a crazy big hog to admit when he's wrong. 412 00:20:11,994 --> 00:20:13,260 Thanks, Peter. 413 00:20:17,349 --> 00:20:19,895 Hey, Jerome, you want to help me kill Randy Quaid? 414 00:20:19,919 --> 00:20:21,034 Who?